Ich Hic

New Year, new start and all that … don’t usually go in for that sort of stuff, but now is as good a time as any I suppose … right, so … Edinburgh … History’s not looking so great … don’t want it to be a complete waste of time … so … learn a language … yer … that’s what I’ll do … I’ll look dead clever … which language? … French … I hear they are pretty rude people … Spanish? … Nah, all my mates speak Spanish anyway, bound to get a smart arse correcting me and I don’t fancy the competition … German? Yer! – No one I know speaks German … brilliant, it will be my little thing, ok, phone up … book class … Tuesdays at 6.30 fantastic - right after my other class, perfect….

New professor for the Tuesday class, he seems nice enough, “you guys fancy going for a few beers just to break the ice?” he says … yer, why not. “First round’s on me” he says…. “Second one is on me!” someone else shouts … oh, now be careful Karic, you haven’t eaten all day and those two went straight to your head … not only are you now talking gibberish but you’ve got to be pretty level headed for your first German class… so take it easy … “What’s that? A third you say?” - Say no, say no … “ok, sure why not?” I says ... What? You fool, do you not listen to me? I says back.

Right, must go. It’s 6.15, that gives me plenty of time to find … …. Dixon Street? No… Castle Street? Nah. Oh Christ. … Think Karic think, where was it? 21 …. Newington Place? No… Oh hell, it’s almost 6.30 … Quick – Hic - who can help me? … phone Dave … “Hey mate! How you doing? I was hoping you could do me a – Hic - quick favour, could you just Google the name of this language company? It’s IA … …. IA …. B? No. IA….. Hic, Damn it – Ok, mate don’t worry I’ll phone you back” … run Karic run … I know its down here somewhere … Hey! That’s the company logo right? Sure is – phew that was lucky – Run in and read board ‘German: Room 4G’. Brilliant.

Knock on door and enter … twenty faces are looking at me … they are all standing in a circle … one’s holding a beanbag … oh no …. “German class?” she says, “Yup” I reply … oh no … please don’t do that, damn she did … she threw the beanbag at me … now what do I do? “Wie heißen Sie, bitte?” … er…. “Sorry?”, “Wie heißen Sie, bitte?” … they are still all looking at me …. Do something Karic … “Ich…?” … That didn’t work … she’s egging me on now … you fool … “Ich” … well done clever clogs, now what you going to do? “Ich? - No – sorry, what?” I stutter … brilliant ... bravo, you’re a true hero … “You are here for German, yes?” “Yes…” “Intermediate German yes?” … “Oh, intermediate German – no, sorry I want the beginners, did I get the wrong room?” “Wrong room? You got the wrong building, you want the place on Hill Street”. “Ah. Hill Street … And where’s that?” … Oh dear, she’s not happy with me … “Hmph, it is off Newington – on the other side” “Newington!? You mean” “Yes, the other side of town” ... “Oh … ok, sorry, thanks anyway” … turn Karic, turn … walk … don’t look back ... out of door and shut … you idiot … you should of known you wouldn’t be lucky enough to just stumble across the damn place … right … Newington ... run!

Hill Street, correct logo? Check and check … good … up to the top floor - German … knock and enter … “Hi” I beam, “Beginners German yes?”, “That’s us, take a seat” phew … finally here … look for seat, nearest one … the one next to … wow, she’s nice …smile, and … “Hi, my name’s Karic” I say - “Hic” I add. Damn. You Hic’ed. Brilliant.You loser – quick - blush it off, perhaps she’ll buy it … “aha, sorry, got hiccups” … she doesn’t seem amused … perhaps she can smell my breath and knows full well why I have hiccups … you fool … anyway, … ok, she’s not talking to me then … oh nice - awkward silence … I’ll get my stuff from my bag … that’ll make me look busy … right done that … hmmm … oh, new teacher – she looks ok … she’s writing on the board … oh no … you didn’t put your contacts in did you? Oh hell … I can’t see a thing … I can normally make out enough of the word to guess it … in English that is … oh nuts …. What did she write? … quick, glance at the girls page, she’s written it … what does that say? “Wie heißen Sie, bitte?”. Ah. Brilliant.

New Year, New Start. Hic.