Invasion of the Vorticons

I just stumbled across a rare internet treasure. A site that provides you with countless classic video games, for free. I went there originally to satisfy my demand for world conquest via the majestically educational Civilisation II (which should be made compulsory for all secondary school students). But what else did I find? None other than my childhood favourite, and yet almost completely forgotten about, Commander Keen. I used to play this game on the Commodore 64 when I was about seven or eight. I remember my dad taking me down to the local hardware store to buy the games on cassette tape. It was rare that we would get a new one but always magical when we did. Rushing home with it. Taking it out the case. Hurridly ramming it in the tape deck. Hitting play.

Then waiting for forty minutes. The tape had to slowly run from start to finish as the Commodore loaded up all the information it needed before finally it bleeped it action. And in the simple days of my childhood, before girls and social awareness had cast their ugly shadow on my thoughts, these words were all that were true to me:

BILLY BLAZE, EIGHT YEAR-OLD GENIUS, WORKING DILIGENTLY IN HIS BACKYARD CLUBHOUSE HAS CREATED AN INSTELLER STARSHIP FROM OLD SOUP CANS, RUBBER CEMENT AND PLASTIC TUBING. WHILE HIS FOLKS ARE OUT ON THE TOWN AND THE BABYSTIIER HAS FALLEN ASLEEP, BILLY TRAVELS INTO HIS BACKYARD WORKSHOP DONS HIS BROTHERS FOOTBALL HELMET AND TRANSFORMS INTO…

COMMANDER KEEN: DEFENDER OF EARTH

IN HIS SHIP, THE BEAN AND BACON MEGA ROCKET, KEEN DISPENSES GALACTIC JUSTICE WITH AN IRON HAND!