Innovative Ipswich II: a long ramble about how Christians in my hometown deserve some credit
As you can tell from the title, I’m not going to enjoy this blog entry. It goes against all I hold to be dear and true. Yet I know it’s right. So begrudgingly, and with all manner of grammatical errors, here it is.--
I disappear to Edinburgh for a year – just twelve months - and what do I see when I return!? Christians! Bloody Christians! Openly walking the streets. Openly! Without shame or fear. In Britain! In my home town of all places! Calling themselves ‘Town Pastors’ they weaved through the streets of Ipswich, preying on the weak and vulnerable left in the wake of a damn decent night out in town.
I was aghast. What next? Would we soon be banning women from talking? Would we soon see extremists firebombing abortion centres? Would we soon see civil rights destroyed? Would we soon all be getting married at 19? Would we stop teaching science? And worse of all, would we develop a southern drawl?
Just what was going on? I had to find out – and with a vengeance. I dare not say anything to Americans – after all – they don’t know any better. But British people! They deserved everything they got! My full fury. Everything. The bastards.
And get it they did. And disagree with everything they stand for I still do. And respond with typical Christian bullshit they did “but if you open your heart to the LORD…” – “Answer the bloody question you fool!”. I threw the book at them. Their own damn book. I’ve read the best bits of the bible. I’ve read guides in theology. I’ve spent months in Gods own Kingdom. I’ve argued and fought the issues over in my mind my whole life. I’ve read Dan Brown. I knew my stuff.
Convert me - they did not.
But I came away unsure as to who had actually won the debate. Loath the very concept of their existence, I did no longer. Impressed that they actually had the balls to stand up, dress up and risk utter humiliation on a Friday night? I most certainly was.
Cont...
posted by Benjamin Nakizo @ 11:57 pm
5 Comments:
It’s no secret that I am a strange kid, and often when I begin to day dream I think how cool it would be if people actually forgot their petty problems and came together to help one another. Unions, neighbourhood watches, sports clubs, self-help groups, political parties. Why wasn’t civil society in the UK pulling its weight? It dose in America, so why not here? (note the scary parallels between what I have just said and the Tories new policy approach).
I often blamed the church for not doing enough – they are, after all a fully formed and (in the UK) an uncontroversial social organisation – why were they not pooling their resources to build wind turbines and provide free after school sessions in math and English? Why were they not teaching sex education and distributing condoms?
Why, in short, were they not being progressive? Why were they not helping people?
More than that, in my deepest most fantasies what would actually happen is that this sort of innovative thinking would arise locally – in Ipswich say. And the recognition they gained for their works would make me slightly proud of my home town. Because aside from the football team and the high frequency of homosexuals, I find very little to like in that cursed town I call a home.
So imagine my horror as I realised that it was now the Christians, of all civil societies sectors, that had finally got their act together – and were doing something positive! Nay! I’d even say progressive!
Walking through the streets in their fluorescent jackets and funny hats they provide another pair of ears and eyes to help protect innocent clubbers from the alcohol fuelled and illiterate thugs that dominate the westernly estates of Ipswich. They pick people out of their own vomit and ensure that vulnerable individuals make it their bus or cab intact. They make the streets safer. They are like free PCSO's.
And if they have to evoke the illusion of god in order to promote sensible drinking – then good on them I say! It’s about time people spent less of their income on booze. Heavy drinking should be a teenage phase - not the lifelong habit it so often is here in the UK.
Drunk and destructive masses are, in my opinion, one of the key reasons that immigrants find so little to like in British culture. If even the French think we are vulgar when we drink, what must Muslims think!? Why would a new arrival want to integrate?
So there is indeed a real problem that these pastors might be able to assist with. Yet the real magic about them is this – they didn’t preach. I dug and I dug and I dug. And only occasionally did they slip up and say something absurd about the world being created by an all mighty being. Most of the time they were very good in their wording and very moderate in their views. They weren’t there to inform people that some mashed together book called the Bible says they are destined to rot in hell for eternity – far from it! These people even admitted to enjoying the odd drink themselves from time to time. They were simply out and about to keep people safe. And I like that. That’s quite noble. They had cut the strings and were finally beginning to help for helpings sake.
But if they have to use hokey religions and ancient weapons to steer the multitude of Ipswichians onto a more progressive path – then so be it!
And the fact that this could happen in Ipswich - that the body politic of Ipswich could actually produce citizens that cared enough about their fellow man to do such a thing – well then that’s pretty amazing! Could this be another rare instance of ‘innovative Ipswich’? Perhaps there is hope after all.
So while I am constant Christian critic.
I think I’m beginning to realise they are often the lesser of evils.
And the Town Pastors are ok by me.
I'm going to pass over the actual message of your post because it is late and I'm never in the mood to talk religion anyway. I just have to put in a word for all the people you maligned with your crack about southern drawls. Yes, I'm quite aware the stereotype is well deserved, but some of us by accident of birth cannot help it. And because you've picked on me for my accent before, which thankfully only appears when I'm drunk, and because one of these days I'm sure I'll get drunk with you again, I want to make sure we do away with all this pickin' on poor little me, ya hear?
giggle x
A total about-turn on when you discussed this in person with me Mr. Grange.
Is this on the grounds on your focusing toward their act and basic role in society during those evenings? Are you not still concerned by their espousing religious doctrine on the streets of Ipswich?
@ Amy - Allow non-Googlemail comments on your blog, please! I don't have an account and so can't comment. *sad face*
Yes. They do spout nonsense.
I changed my mind very recently after running into two of them last... Saturday night.
They put up a brave fight - of course, they still lost - it's hard to excuse the inexcusable. But they went down fighting. Good to see.
But in regards to their presence in Ipswich. I have now heard of a second close friend to have been seriously injured simply by walking in the wrong place at the wrong time in the streets of East Anglia.
By providing eyes and ears for the police (each patrol of town pastors is linked into the police radio network, or so says their website) they can help protect innocent folk as they stumble home blind drunk and giggling.
Plus by talking tish tosh they might just confuse/distract/annoy people long enough to make them forget any evil purpose they may have had.)
So like I said. Given the sorry state of British (working class!) youth having these Christians on the streets is the lesser of evils.
so yes, I have had a change of heart on the matter.
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