State of the Union
Well, this is new. Unemployment. In fairness I only finished my dissertation two weeks ago, and in that time I have found a new flat and moved in. It’s a nice flat with nice flatmates. Two Scots, a Kiwi and an Irish girl. I’m the youngest again. The others are 31, 45, 23 and 28 respectively. All employed and with their own commitments so they don’t tend to be around much. A completely different feel to a student flat, it is still friendly, but just a little more focussed, and a heck of a lot cleaner.Cat is back and beginning her new course in outdoor education, which involves skydiving into waterfalls – or something. I think the idea is that trouble kids can’t actually sit still for more than 3 seconds so they learn maths much better by being given adventure holidays – or something equally liberal. Makes me bitter. I am still angry about all the high school days lost by teachers instructing us to throw crap out of windows because all the retards spawned by single parents couldn’t comprehend the simple statement “gravity pulls shit down”. Or something equally illiberal.
I’m almost all moved in, just a few items left to ferry over. I went to Ikea the other day to get a few items; did you know they do a full English breakfast for 95p? Magnificent. I now have a coffee table next to my mini sofa chair. From there I can read my books, sip green tea and enjoy my bedrooms view of the Pentlands. Hopefully this will ensure a future full of sheltered and clueless worldviews.
All this is fortunate because reading is about all I am doing right now. With no job and an attack of anxiety whenever I think about what I could the future it is comforting to pretend that I can spare a few weeks to attack my mountain of unread books. But the truth is that with a high rent and my monetary reserves all but gone I need to find an income asap. God knows what I could do. I remember a few years ago I used to pride myself in being totally fearless when it came to the unknown. Why fear what you cannot know? For example roller coasters never scared me on the first go, only on the second, when I knew how horrible the experience was did I get nervous.
Cont…
posted by Benjamin Nakizo @ 4:28 pm
2 Comments:
Unfortunately this sense has failed me in recent months. Not knowing what I will be doing in a months time is an unpleasant sensation. I’ll still be here for sure, the contract is for a minimum of six months and it will be a year, if not two, before I become fully qualified grunt in the RNR and become eligible for a real call up. The RNR provides some pocket money and is something I really really want to do. This is despite the attack of nerves I seem to get at 5pm every Thursday. I need to get fit again. A few months ago I was at the stage where I could run the perimeter of Arthur’s Seat without stopping. Post-dissertation I can barely make a third of that distance. Last Thursday I only just scraped through the 2.4km run with six seconds to spare. Anyway I’m pretty confident I can meet the grade around March time when I get my first stint at Raleigh. I’ve just got to keep my head screwed on.
So that’s something I suppose. I’m not totally without balls in play, but I’m not exactly juggling either. Most of my friends are heading back soon. Dimi and Cemil both have to do their National Service when they go back in a few days time. Once they have gone Edinburgh is going to seem a whole lot bigger, and I, a whole lot smaller.
But anyway. I’m 23 years old, in an exciting city and with few commitments. In just a few years time I suspect I will envy that situation. It is a massive opportunity, and one which would be shameful to waste.
I just hope I am not crushed by the weight of my expectations.
Well, look like I'll just ahve to head back up there and make the place seem smaller.
I hope the flat's brimming with sexy Ikea furniture.
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