I know, I know. And it's ok. Really. It's perfectly fine.
You can be jealous.

Non, je ne regretted rein

I am beginning to fall in love with this song.

It is becoming the perfect soundtrack to the beginning of the 21st century.

Re: Comment on Queen's Speech

I'm not really in the mood to write this, a whole series of small calamaties has left me rather shaken. I am holding out till sunday moring by which time I should have endured the hellish consequences of my carelesness. However I am currently bored to tears on another ten hour shift so really cannot resist a small challenge set to me by a stalin-sympothising friend of mine. So here it is, you lucky people you - my thoughts on this years Queen's Speech.

Policies aside for a moment I would like to make a quick comment on the nature of politics. What fascinates me most about this, the second oldest profesion, is not that those involved hold the power to shape our futures. In fact I find sleeping at nights a lot easier when I put this to the back of my mind. No, politics becomes far more interesting if you look at it as a sport.

In many ways politics is like the Formula 1 of the PR world. A high profile showcase where the generations top marketing gurus get to exhibit their wares. The political leaders themselves therefore are little more than the drivers of expertly crafted election machines. And as in F1 the real magic goes on beneath the bonet.

For fans of this sport the past few months have seen a real change. For a decade now the House of Commons has been the scene of repeated massacres as Tony Blair effortlessly danced and twisted his way around opponents before delivering killer blows so fast that it took everyone a few moments to realise he had even done it. To continue with the sporting analogy he was the manchester united of politics. Love them or loath them you still tune in to marvel at just how damn good they are.

Unfortunately the record breaking Blair has now retired from the professional game. Yet in his wake the Commons has become much more of an open affair. When Brown and Cameron meet it is less a massacre and more of a dogfight, with biting and growling, in a contest that could go either way. While in a different wa,y this contest is just as entertaining to watch as Blair used to be.

Yesterday Brown delivered, or rather had the monarch deliver, his first Queen's Speech. And on first impressions it sounded petty dull and boring. It was typical sleep inducing Brown rhetoric introducing policies we already know about. But to please my guardian reading friend I had better say a few words about the actual policies.

Brown paves the way for a new generation of nuclear power stations, he keeps kids in some form of education until they 18 and he is looking to force people applying for citizenship to jump through more hoops - all well and goodl. He also wants to adopt a number of draconian and self-defeating laws designed to lock up all people of colour as and when see fit - which is not so good. Then it would appear that he wants to create a quality care commision, a homes and planning agency and a personal accounts delivery authority to regulate and monitor health, housing and pensions respectively. What's wrong with that you might ask? Ill tell you.

Britain is already sinking under the weight of red tape and adding yet another layer of costly, guardian reading, union supporting and latte drinking civil servents is only going to complicate matters. What should be done is what the tory's propose - and what Blair was struggling to do - which is to devolve power to the individual hospitals, schools and local authorities and allow them to compete against one another. Obviously don't go privatising the damn things entirely but at least create an internal state market for the provision of these services. The reason being that market forces regulate practice and distribute resources far better than any government institution ever will. Adam Smith's invisible hand is not just invisible - but also entirely free, naturally resulting from a systems open structure.

Free up public services and the need for extensive regulation will vanish. In one respect at least the Queen's Speech did promise to grant local authorities more powers to experiment with their public transport policies - which is encouraging, but far more needs to be done. Unfortunately it simply is not in Brown's nature to 'let go' and he cannot resist the temptation to meddle, tinker and micro manage everything that comes across his desk. This is why he will lose the war of ideas.

However. To say this does not mean that Brown is done for, far from it. What I didn't notice at the time, but which was pointed out to me in a newspaper article later, was the carefully hidden trap Brown has laid for his cocky Tory opponents. At the moment Europe is a tricky question for Brown because he has back tracked on Labour's promise to hold a referundum on the EU constitution. And with everyone in the world except Brown saying the old constitution and the new treaty (which intends to adopt) are identical, the British people are rightly annoyed that Brown lied to them.

The tories in turn are loving every second of it as the British public, hurt by Browns betrayal rally around Cameron. However, tricky times lie ahead. The British public are not nearly as anti-Europe as the rank and file tory party are and the tories would be mistaken to believe this surge in support suggests otherwise.

In a brilliant move Brown has conceeded upto three months in the Commons to debate the EU treaty. What looks like a Prime Minister caving in to public pressure is actually a PM cunningly providing the tories with enough rope to hang themselves. Three months of debate. Three months for tory MP's to slip up and betray their true feelings for Europe. Three months for them to say something stupid like gipsies ere eating our dogs, three months for them to shout and bicker about how johnny foreigner are stealing all the best grades in our schools and three months for them to alienate themselves from the British public. Those guardian reading, union supporting and latte drinking classes I spoke of before are what you might call the swing vote. By appealing to their trust funds, skiing holidays and real estate Cameron has temporarily won them over. A return to tory xenophobia could quickly undo all of "Dave's" hard work.

Will the tories take the bait? Will Cameron be able to instill discipline in his anti-European MP's? Who will break rank first?

This will be a real test for the Tories. Survive this and they will have demonstrated the professionalism required to form a decent government. Fail and we can look forward to more economy sapping state jobs designed to supervise other economy sapping state jobs, and so on and so forth until Brown has stripped us of every right and freedom we posses and he finally tells the Queen she need not bother turning up for future speeches.

Kiva Crazy

So here is what I am about to do. I have promised myself that I will put aside enough money to pay for the Latitude festival next summer. I haven’t done so yet because I wasn’t sure how I could effectively designate a set sum of money in my account as for being for that purpose. Sure I could simply remember – but I’m no good at that sort of thing and what with it all being in the same pot I am sure I would simply forget and spend it.

And then it struck me! Whalla! Send the money abroad for six months!! That will keep it out of harms way until I need it to buy my tickets!

I will therefore use www.kiva.org to leave my Latitude money in the capable of hands of an assortment of entrepreneurs around the world until April when the tickets go on sale! By then they will all have paid me back and I can go and purchase my ticket! What good is that capital doing lying in my account? How much interest will I lose out on? A pound? Five pound? That’s just boring!

My money deserves much better – so ill send it off on a little adventure – if I can’t go on a tour of Eastern Europe I see no reason why I should stop my money from doing so!

Exhausted and drained I collapsed onto the seat in the bus shelter. It was one of the main streets in Edinburgh and people began to push past me as they followed the diversion signs that took them round some nearby building works. I was in everyone’s way but this was the only seat free. I didn't care. It was late and I had a ton of things to do at home before I could go to bed. I had just missed the number 31 and it would be a full twenty minutes before the next one. I fully intended to remain welded to that seat until it came.

Only something truly exceptional would make me move.

A few minutes in to my occupancy a gaggle of young girls, maybe around 16 years old assembled at the far end of the shelter. Finding a relatively quiet corner they plonked themselves down on the floor and began passing round a two-litre bottle of cheap cider. Long blonde hair, tight jeans, thick make up and big boots. Typical Scottish lasses and nothing out of the ordinary for a Saturday night.

Only they weren't typical Scottish lasses at all. If I had been paying more attention then their waste lines alone could have told me that. Rather it took a while before I realised something was different. Over the din of departing busses and rowdy Saturday night partygoers I caught the odd word or two of the girls conversation. That I didn't understand a word is not entirely unusual for me in Scotland, but something about the order in which they deployed their syllables was unfamiliar. If it wasn't English they were speaking then . . .could it be?

I immediately stood up and began to fake interest in the bus timetable so as to best over hear them. And yes! It was confirmed. Polish they were!

Ignore the scare stories, cultural integration is in full swing my friends!